Ok….so I have taken you through my child hood as a Jewish kid on Christmas, and my first experience at a Christmas Eve mass….but now I take you to the next step in my life. Actually living Christmas….
Ok….so I am basically a loser. Seriously…that is not a joke. For example I had two tickets to the Wiz Khalifa show on Friday night and no friends to take. But…I still went.
In fact, I dated some girls through high school and the 2 years of college, but nothing serious! But then….I guess you would call it my first serious girlfriend.
OK…maybe serious to me….to her…probably not so much.
So now….here I am in a real relationship, with a real woman, that celebrated Christmas. Wow…this was going to be cool. So, I like had a Christmas tree that I helped decorate, that I could actually hang out and look at. I was able to actually have presents under a tree??? I wasn’t even sure how that was supposed to work??
I mean, do I put them under the Christas tree stealth style without her seeing it? Does Santa do it? Do I just put them there while she was looking?? This Christmas tree gift giving thing was much harder then I expected!
But….it almost didn’t happen after a night at a bar…and let’s just say…the tree got knocked over….but enough about that!! It was now time for my first real Christmas gift….wrapped in real Christmas gift wrap with Santa and everything. There it was…under the tree…my name and everything.
Now this my date me, but what was in one of the boxes under that tree??
A pair of airbrushed jeans with the name Bubba on them in red….see the Christmas theme ???
I thought they were the coolest things EVER!! And yes I wore them, in fact, I still think if I looked hard enough….I could find them somewhere in my Mom’s house.
Now, my memory is sort of shaky for what we did on Christmas Eve and Christmas Day??? Maybe it was at this point she realized by loserness???
But not to worry, I found another woman that thought I was decent…and although she would not be too happy that I am writing about her, (she probably hates me like everyone else) but I am not mentioning names here people!
So this one and I live together. And…she had a big family. Every Christmas Eve we went to her Grandparents house and it was packed with great food and a ton of people. A lot of those people were small children.
Well, her grandmother had a Santa outift….and it was family tradition to have someone dress up as Santa Claus on Christmas Eve.
Who would be Santa? Hmmmm??? How about the Jewish guy, he is new to the family…maybe he will do it?
Actually there was no “maybe” there. My ex-girlfriend “Told” me I would do it! Then it happened….all the kids were taken into the basement. All I had to do was jingle some bells….come down the stairs Ho Ho Hoing…have the kids sit on my lap and tell me what they wanted for Christmas.
Then as my foot hit the first step it hit me. Ummmmm….what if they aske me about the names of the Reindeer?? Don’t know?? What if they tug on my beard?? Damn….it was panic attack time.
So down the steps I went….jingling my bells and Ho Ho Hoing…as I got downstairs the drunken parents were smiling and laughing and even though I was 100% sure these kids would know it was me (THE NEW GUY!), they never did!
And for the next four years….every Christmas Eve I would don the Santa Costume, and become Kris Kringle for my ex-girlfriends family.
Eventually she caught on too to my loserness, and her family lost their Santa…..but at that point I think the kids were just playing along anyway.
Next…..my current day Christmas